ten years today

It has been ten years since my father passed away. I truly miss my father more then I have words to describe. As I grow older the pain actually gets deeper in some regards and lessens in others. I spent a lot of time with my dad.

I always will remember my mom telling me that after I was born, because of the difficultly that she had with my labor and delivery, she handed me to my dad and said, "This one is all yours." Looking back, I have felt that my dad took that to heart as I grew and continued to be difficult to my mother.

Most people that know me well, know that I have ADD/ADHD. While most frequently I wish that I was not ailed with this imbalance, I am grateful because it allowed me to spend far more time with my dad than I perhaps would have had I not had it. If Mom and Dad were going out of town, I was going too.

If I was going on a scouting trip, typically my dad would find a way to go, whether he was in the Young Men's program or not.

I also was able to be ordained as Deacon, Teacher, Priest and Elder by the hands of my worthy father. If fact I know that this picture's quality is poor, but this one was taken the day of my Elder ordination, about two months before Dad passed.

Now I am grateful during this month of Thanksgiving for the best man I know. My father is a great man who continues to live and serve God the Father and Jesus Christ on the other side of the veil. I will never forget the day that my father was taken back to the God that gave him life. Because of its sacredness to me I will not share, in this setting, the experience that I had being the only one home besides my mother on the day my father passed, but there are still tender mercies that were in abundance throughout that time.

I will say that I miss my dad so very much. Many times, like I know that others have, I have felt a strong need for the love and counsel of my father. Many times I have wished that he could be here again, to meet my wife, my son and my daughter. I know that he is present, at times, in one way or another. I know he is very aware of "his boy." But it hurts when I wish to share an experience with a man that means the world to me, and I cannot because of the thorns and thistles of this life.

As I mentioned, I know that others have these same feelings. I know that all of my siblings wish that their children's Grandpa were here to hold them, and to love and teach them. I know that there have been times when certain family members have been made aware of the presence of our father during special events. I haven't been blessed that way. Not all of us receive the same blessings. I do think of my father every time I am privileged to attend the temple, not only because of the sealing powers therein, but because I was blessed through a wonderful experience that I will never forget to be given my father's temple clothes.

I know that my father loves me with all his heart. I also know that I am a son of a perfect loving Father even God the Father, who sent His Son to be a sacrifice for us all. I am grateful for this on so many levels, but today I am most grateful for a condition of the Atonement that was taught by the Lord's prophet, Joseph Smith. He said: "All your losses will be made up to you in the resurrection, provided you continue faithful." I don't know how this works or what this even means exactly, but I believe the word of God as given through His prophets, and I have to believe that somehow, someway this pain and emptiness that I often feel because of the loss of my father will be a loss that is "made up."

One day I will be with those that I love and cherish again, no more to be separated. One day I will be able to embrace my Savior and my God and shower their feet with my tears of joy for the gospel knowledge, and for the plan of salvation. That day will be indescribable. In the same fashion, one day I will be able to hold and be held by those powerful yet loving and protective arms of my father. Then will my losses be made up. Oh how I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ, it truly is "the good news."